How Can I Use Feminism To My Advantage?

The Onion hits another one out of the ballpark, with this scathing send-up of shallow college feminists.

...All that changed when I started school at Macalester College and met Erica. Everyone in the dorm was afraid of Erica, because she attacked the racist and sexist welcome-week party. By the fourth day of classes, Erica was a dorm-wide celebrity. I heard girls talking about her in the bathroom, boys talking about her in the dining hall. Nobody even knew I existed.

What was the difference between Erica and me? You guessed it: feminism. Well, not for long, sister.

Once we became closer, Erica told me that she didn't care about the stupid luau anyway. She had bigger things to worry about, like defending women against the so-called Right's war against reproductive liberties. Her work at the Campus Coalition For Women sounded thrilling. I wanted to cash in on the centuries-long subjugation of my gender, too!

Many modern women are afraid to call themselves feminists. I often remind these weak, confused women of the words of Gloria Steinem: "In my heart, I think a woman has two choices: Either she's a feminist or a masochist." When I first read Steinem, she awoke ambitions I never knew I had. I wanted to be just like her—powerful, famous, and financially well off....