Advice from the masters

Why would you ask anyone but a cowboy for sex advice?

Q: A male friend of mine is having a hard time making his girlfriend come. What's your advice for him?
A: First of all, he should give her to me. Because, goddamn, I'd lick her cross-eyed.
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Q: Any other words of wisdom?
A: Well, [crosses arms and looks over yonder] I'd say patience. Boy, I tell you: you know what they say about it being a virtue? Well, it's true. You just got to lick 'er and slick 'er, then broom-grab her 'til she hollers.
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Q: What sex tips can city guys learn from the men of the West?
A: Mostly manners. Some real fuckin', probably. I can't say for sure.

Q: What's a no-fail seduction line?
A: Tell 'em you got a big truck and a big dick.

Well, I've got a blue 2001 Volkswagen New Beetle... does that make you horny, baby?