Gawkers

Last night I spent half an hour in my car, literally parked on Interstate 75 because of a bad accident. I'm guessing I would have been there half the time if it weren't for the gawker phenomenon.

It's completely unexplainable to me why the vast majority of the population wants to stop their car and stare at the carnage. Does stopping make you feel like a good Samaritan? Are you passively helping the police and the fire trucks out? Or do you want to see the grandeur of the spectacle? The gratuitous blood and guts? What are you going to tell your family when you get home? "Oh man, you should've seen it! There was blood and gasoline everywhere, and an arm was still stuck in the windshield*!"

People, while you may be concerned with the welfare of the unfortunate souls involved in traffic accidents, you must also be concerned with the welfare of the thousands of cars stacked up miles behind you! And if you're gawking just for the blood and guts, then fuck you! Fuck you in the ass with a stinky pineapple!

* These details are completely made up, because I did not stick around to watch. I was born without a gawker reflex, or maybe it's my "I will make it to my destination" driving philosophy. Either way, I floored the accelerator as soon as there was a clear section of pavement in front of me.