Curbside prophet

Because of my previous post, I have decided to share my own theology with you. It is based on two scientific axioms:

• The planet Earth has a magnetosphere which deflects solar wind.
• Each human brain has hundreds of billions of neurons in a unique configuration.

Thus in my theology, "heaven" and "hell" are not abstract concepts. When you die, the unique electrical patterns within your mind -- your soul if you will -- rise up (or "ascend") up into the atmosphere. The energy that your brain once contained becomes trapped within the Van Allen radiation belts, and thus "heaven" is the state of protecting the living from deadly solar radiation!

Within my theology, there's no need to miss the departed, because if you live within the right latitudes you can see them! Your afterlife within the Van Allen radiation belts lasts either until you're reincarnated (which is simply an application of conservation of energy), or annihilated by a gamma ray.

You may be wondering, what happens if you go to hell? To be honest, God hasn't filled in that part of the puzzle yet, but I'm assuming that your soul-energy goes to power Yanni's synthesizers.