Naked ladies and snakes

I finally got HBO in the past month or two, and I've been enjoying shows like Da Ali G Show and Real Time With Bill Maher. I took the time to transcribe Maher's closing monologue from Friday's show.

MAHER: ...And finally, new rule: leave the children behind! [laughter] At least, that is, until they learn something: a new survey finds that only half of America's high-schoolers think newspapers should be allowed to publish without government approval. And almost one in five said Americans should be prohibited from expressing unpopular opinions! Hey, let me tell you little darlings something: this is my livelihood you're screwing with now! [laughter] So either learn the Bill of Rights or you don't deserve Social Security! [applause]

Now to those of you who think I am overreacting: yes I understand that being in high school is still very young and no one really cares what kids say anyway -- it's not like priests are dating them for their brains. [laughter] But the younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority. [applause] And what is so frightening here is that we are seeing the beginnings of the first post-9/11 generation: kids who first became aware of the news under an "Americans need to watch what they say" administration. Kids who've been told that dissent is un-American, and therefore justifiably punished by fine, inprisonment, or loss of your show on ABC. [laughter]

President Bush once asked, "Is our children learning?" [laughter]

No they isn't! [laughter]

And so a more appropriate question might be, "Is our teachers teaching?" In four years you can teach a gorilla sign language; is it too much to ask that in the same amount of time a teenager in America is taught what those crazy hippies who founded this country really had in mind? Now I know the morals-and-values folks want us to take time out of the schoolday for prayer and the Ten Commandments and abstinence training and to learn at least two theories of evolution: the one agreed upon by every scientist in the world, and the one that involves naked ladies and snakes. [laughter] But, lest we forget, last month the people of Iraq risked death and danger to send a simple, inspiring message: "America, get out of our country!" [laughter and applause] But also, that "we want the freedoms that you Americans take for granted." Now, I didn't mind being on the losing side of the last election, but as a loser, I guess I have some unpopular opinions, and I'd like to keep them. I'd even like to say them right out loud on TV. Because if I just sit here every Friday night and spout Bush-administration-approved talking points, that is not freedom or entertainment. It's Fox News.